This horrifying article came across my desktop today. An elite athlete and 33 year-old mother was burned to death in Kenya by her boyfriend in front of her two young daughters.
Read. That. Again. Her boyfriend doused her in gasoline and set her on fire, all because of an argument over her property.
As horrifying as this incident is, I am actually not surprised.
When I hear the belittling or outright hateful way some (too many) men and boys openly talk about girls and women I cringe thinking about what they actually think in their heads and what they say within the “safety” of their phones and from behind their cleverly unidentifiable user names on X, Instagram, or Reddit.
The killing of Rebecca in this disgusting, cowardly act is tragic. And it serves as a gripping reminder that the very possible, and perhaps even likely, outcome of all of this misogyny, hate, and discrimination is physical abuse; the physical manifestation of the pernicious thoughts swirling inside the minds of weak, screwed-up “men” everywhere.
My own 20-something daughter was nearly killed by her boyfriend last year. His trial is coming up next month and we can only hope that his conviction and sentence will even come close to matching the severity of heinous acts he committed on a brilliant, big-hearted young woman. One night after repeatedly beating her face, he poured sand down her throat to try and suffocate her. The fact that she’s a fighter is the only reason she escaped and we didn’t lose her that night.
It’s way too late for my family and the people who love my girl to undo the trauma he caused, or to fix this guy. We will all be dealing with the emotional scars, and for my daughter the physical ones, forever.
But you know what’s not too late? For the many good people in the world from the USA to Afghanistan to Spain to Kenya to check ourselves and, importantly, check those around us with the words we use. We have to change the way the world views women. And it starts with you and me.
Women, and for sure young girls, don’t exist for the pleasure of men.
They aren’t here to fix broken men or stroke their fragile egos.
The insecurities and frailties of men are never a reason or excuse to tear women down verbally, emotionally, or physically. Ever.
Men who want to be treated as a partner must be worthy of that role first.
I echo the words of Donald Rukare, president of Uganda Olympics Committee: “May her gentle soul rest in peace and we strongly condemn violence against women.”
Of course, I didn’t know Rebecca but, sadly, I DO know the type of words that lead to violence against women. We have to stop the flow of demeaning and hateful words used against girls and women. We can all do better as individuals for sure but do we have the courage and integrity to call out others when they belittle or de-humanize women? We better figure this out before these words become fire starters that cause irreversible trauma and even deaths of girls and women we care about, like the one Rebecca suffered this week. R.I.P.